BY TER STAFF
Throughout television and cinema we are constantly introduced to singers, bands and rappers whom we desperately wish were real, but usually the best we can hope for is a sequel. Most recently we have Fox and Terrance Howard’s new series Empire, which follows rapper turned label head Lucious Lyon. Next up we will have Donald Glover’s (Childish Gambino) upcoming FX comedy Atlanta, which will follow two cousins who have very different views on how to rise up in the Atlanta rap scene. To help build the anticipation to these two series, and to get nostalgic on past fictional artists, have comprised a list of the best, most swagged out, and absolutely awesome musicians whom we wish were real (and even one who kind of is).
Movie: Spring Breakers
Top Song: Hangin’ With Da Dopeboys
Best Lyric: “My dick stand about 10 inches, feelin’ like a black man.”
Alien derives his inspiration from Southern rapper Dangeruss and Riff Raff himself. Played by James Franco, Alien has a flamboyant style and love of college aged white women. He isn’t a fan of Gucci Mane and in his spare time he enjoys collecting ‘his shit’.
Movie: A Goofy Movie
Top Song: Eye to Eye
Best Lyric: “If we listen to each other’s heart, we’ll find we’re never too far apart. And maybe love is a reason why. For the first time ever, we’re seein’ it eye to eye.”
Max Goof’s favorite artist and our favorite cartoon singer is Powerline. The pop sensation mixes his futuristic style with his sick vocals. His song ‘Eye 2 Eye’ may be the greatest cartoon single next to Doug Funny’s ‘Bangin’ on a Trashcan’.
Jesse and The Rippers
TV Show: Full House
Top Song: Forever
Best Lyric: “If every word I said, could make you laugh, I’d talk forever.”
What ever happened to predictability? We don’t know, but we sure know that Jesse and the Ripper is the greatest rock band of all-time. Although the Beach Boys do their ghostwriting, Jesse knows how to rock. Have Mercy!